Saturday, May 24, 2008

A Better Way

(Posted on a Divorce Support Site 5-24-2008)

Hi Misty, BTW - I am not crazy - I just think that in the best of all possible worlds there has to be a better way than what we see today.  I see a lot of Christians who in practice accept the world's definition of marriage - not in all cases, but in some whether it's their own marriage or someone else's marriage.  (And I don't even think they are aware of how much they have bought into the secular view of marriage.)

Consequently, when you are weary of the battle and want to walk away from the offending spouse or unhappy marriage - there is not adequate support to help you stand in faith. There is support however to alleviate your pain and look for greener pastures. I also apologize if my comments make any one feel judged I am thinking out loud and trying to make sense of this divorce madness -so don't take it personally - we all do what we believe we have to do.

I think you have hit on something our society really needs to grapple with...maybe there should be a better distinction between marriage as a sacred relationship and marriage as a "domestic partnership". I think if that if we take your approach to this and really work through the forgiveness and healing to restore a "sacred" marriage everyone ends up better off because of the depth of forgiveness, healing and reconciliation that has to take place for there to be restoration of the relationship. Think of what that models for children and others (including the offending spouse). For this type of marriage to thrive "no fault divorce" should be eliminated - most of the hardship should be borne by the spouse who violates the agreement whether through abandonment, adultery (allow some exclusions for real illness and other mental health issues).  There should also be some way to encourage more harmony in "sacred" marriages.  Apply the rules of covenant marriages to these unions and any desired dissolution.  This type of marriage recognizes that God has a work for those whom HE has joined together.

A domestic partnership is just that - a relationship where an end other than death is possible and acceptable - mandate better bookkeeping so that the division of assets is simpler; predefines the custodial responsibilities and relationships before children are born.  This approach will keep the lawyers busy (so they won't really lose money as a result of fewer "divorces" which is why the courts are so clogged with divorces now).  This type of "domestic partnership" would be strictly about "happiness,” "companionship" and "self-satisfaction.”  (Lots of bookkeeping but a simpler ending).

I assume God has a plan for whatever pain and loss I am enduring in my marital strife and divorce - I am really beginning consider more involvement with the Divorce Reform organizations - maybe God is preparing me to be an advocate :)