Friday, December 7, 2012

Divorce - An Act of Violence

Last Sunday, as part of his sermon, my Pastor referred to divorce as an act of violence.  And it can be – emotionally violent.  The level of hostility coming from my STBX has diminished over the years only due to reduced contact between us.  If marriage requires maturity and forgiveness, divorce requires a double portion of both maturity and forgiveness.  Too often divorce is a way to win a fight, rather than to peaceably part ways.  The sad truth is there is no fight to win.

In a previous post, I affirmed that despite my STBX’s belligerence and the divorce mongering of certain people that there would be no divorce war here.  I have held my ground on that.  I have tried to stay focused on only the transactional aspect of this proceeding.  Yet, he still wishes me dead, continues the name-calling and refuses to comply with the court-defined process.

It seems he still thinks that someone needs to be right and someone (me) needs to be WRONG.  After 6 years, my feeling is who cares – it changes nothing and therefore does not matter.  The division on our assets and debts is a simple transactional matter.

I could CHOOSE to carry feelings of resentment, betrayal and disappointment, but those are the creations of my STBX’s baggage.  I CHOOSE not to be a porter for them.  I CHOOSE not to contribute to the emotional violence that can be part of a divorce proceeding.  I CHOOSE to be happy and at peace with life as it unfolds.

It has been 6+ years and things will FINALLY be resolved.  The court dismissed my spouse’s petition because California has a law saying it must be cancelled if it has not been resolved in 5 years.  I immediately went downstairs after the hearing and refiled.  This is a good thing because the petitioner controls the process.  Moreover, as a competent adult, I am certain that this will be wrapped up in short order.