Last Sunday, as part of his sermon, my Pastor referred to divorce as an act of violence. And it can be – emotionally violent. The level of hostility coming from my STBX has diminished over the years only due to reduced contact between us. If marriage requires maturity and forgiveness, divorce requires a double portion of both maturity and forgiveness. Too often divorce is a way to win a fight, rather than to peaceably part ways. The sad truth is there is no fight to win.
In a previous post, I affirmed that despite my STBX’s belligerence and the divorce mongering of certain people that there would be no divorce war here. I have held my ground on that. I have tried to stay focused on only the transactional aspect of this proceeding. Yet, he still wishes me dead, continues the name-calling and refuses to comply with the court-defined process.
It seems he still thinks that someone needs to be right and someone (me) needs to be WRONG. After 6 years, my feeling is who cares – it changes nothing and therefore does not matter. The division on our assets and debts is a simple transactional matter.
I could CHOOSE to carry feelings of resentment, betrayal and disappointment, but those are the creations of my STBX’s baggage. I CHOOSE not to be a porter for them. I CHOOSE not to contribute to the emotional violence that can be part of a divorce proceeding. I CHOOSE to be happy and at peace with life as it unfolds.
It has been 6+ years and things will FINALLY be resolved. The court dismissed my spouse’s petition because California has a law saying it must be cancelled if it has not been resolved in 5 years. I immediately went downstairs after the hearing and refiled. This is a good thing because the petitioner controls the process. Moreover, as a competent adult, I am certain that this will be wrapped up in short order.