Thursday, July 19, 2012

A Brand New Day

This was one of those mornings where I realize why I really love morning.  It is because no matter what happened yesterday, it is over and done. Today is a brand-new day.  A brand new day full of opportunities to do things new, better, right, whatever.  What a great opportunity!  I have been training myself to wake up with words of praise on my mind.  I have my alarms set to Alvin Slaughter, Mandisa and Israel Houghton (yes I need 3 alarms or so to get myself fully awake and ready for the day LOL!).  On this glorious new morning I am sitting at my desk looking at sunshine, listening to Charles Stanley’s daily radio message and feeling totally psyched as I prepare my task list for the day.

Today --I believe I see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel assured that it is not an oncoming train.  Yesterday, I appeared in court in pro per for the first time.  I was a little anxious but continuing to pay for representation on a case that was not moving simply not only made no sense it would have been outright foolish.  So I prepared myself and showed up to prevent the injustice that a bifurcation would have rendered in my life.  The motion was dismissed.  Thank you Jesus!  Perhaps now we can move forward with real resolution.

The level of animosity emanating from my long estranged spouse has still not dissipated to something that allows successful resolution of our divorce.  I have no answers as to why, but I am at truly peace that it is not my concern.  Last night I realized that the appearance had left me emotionally exhausted and feeling ganged up on by my spouse, his mistress (she was present in court) and his attorney.  For some reason, the only solution they seem to be able to comprehend is one in which I make all the sacrifices or sustain the majority of the economic loss.  And that somehow ‘beating me’= winning.  I continue to say this is not a fight and there are no winners.  It is a business transaction about debts and assets.  Nothing more - especially after 6 years.

I don’t fault attorneys - they seemed to be geared mostly to ‘fight’and 'win'.  I prefer mediation which is more focused on problem-solving without leaving either party feeling beaten or brutalized.  It is a much healthier option.  I am hopeful that after yesterday we will be able to return to mediation and finally wrap this up.