Over the last 3 years, I have had many people comment on patience and love for my spouse based on enduring and perseveringin this season of our lives. I have said that my commitment is for our mutual best interest. At times, I have sought to articulate my understanding of my call and my willingness to stand in my convictions. The other day I read this in a book by Gary Thomas:
“…..The most important place you can ever move your husband toward is God. When you consider the eternal benefits and your husband’s spiritual health, nothing else comes close. It’s not an easy battle, nor is there a guaranteed victory – but in the end, it’s a fight worth fighting.”
I don’t think anyone ever told me this explicitly…but I am certain it was modeled for me by the important women in my life. My hope is always that my husband would allow God to guide our marriage and if that failed that at least He would be mutually present in our divorce. To date I have not seen it happen – I can only take on faith that God is a work behind the scenes.
Divorce is an unfortunate thing but it need not be characterized by continuing discord, anger and selfishness. It should be like dividing up a bag of marbles – you place ALL the marbles on the table and proceed. One for you, one for me until it’s all divided up. Depending on the item – it may even be reasonable to say one for you, two for me - until it balances out. There are lots of qualified counselors and lawyers to help with process. And if everyone can come to the table with an understanding that the edifice of the marriage will be dismantled it should be do-able. A spirit of resolution (if not reconciliation) must reign. Must be allowed to reign. There are no winners in this…..
It ‘feels’ awful to have someone take unjustly from you what you have worked for – as if you were only working for their benefit. What foolishness. We worked together to achieve – it was not one-sided then and it should not be one-sided now. And if the effort of building home is so trivial – then relinquish the artifacts of the work. I have never said it was trivial and would not expect someone else to involuntarily forfeit the fruits of their labor. Divorce without settlement is petty and ridiculous. Truly, it is a hurtful and insulting thing.