Some times you just have to say 'Thank You'

Last night I was a little restless and could not sleep and to clear my mind I decided to focus on what I was grateful on ‘this’ day.

Thank you God for keeping me safe.

Thank you God for preserving my peace of mind.

Thank you God for preventing bitterness from taking root in my heart.

Thank you God for giving me grace.

Thank you God for giving me clarity of thought.

Thank you God for giving me the opportunity to learn patience and trust in YOU through faith.

Thank you God for maturing my spirit to extend forgiveness and accept being forgiven.

Thank you God for each new day.

Merry Christmas 2008

It’s year 3 of the marital madness and on this Christmas day I say “Praise God – I am still standing!  And happy and healthy.”  My happiness and joy are not circumstance dependent J  Thank God I learned that lesson years ago.

It has been a year of growth and change, but no resolution of the marital stuff.  I am feeling well and told I am looking well.  I am looking forward to more positive changes in 2009.  Fabulous!!  Who could ask for more?  I still get asked “Shouldn’t you force things?  –you deserve better” or my other favorite “You deserve some happiness too.”

I find it funny that people so quickly assume that all happiness is dependent on an intimate relationship.  If you follow that train of thought every single person must be miserable (lol – it’s ludicrous).  Besides I believe the new trend is ‘serial hooking up’ and not even dating, so am I being encouraged to jump on that train….I hope not I still believe in marriage and real intimacy.

The other thing is I still tell my husband he has my full support in achieving what he wants for himself.  Of course, I have learned you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.  And what makes people assume he’s happier than I am????  Because he has resumed his life as single man?  That would be odd…all the studies say married men live longer.  Stand us side-by-side and you judge.  I am not convinced it’s all he thought it would be…although some appearances can be deceiving 

We’ve both been laid off recently so the cost of a divorce has just gone up (actually our resources have gone down) – 2 years ago it would have been more profitable.  We had jobs and our real estate had better value.  What a mess – this is why I blog. 

In the meantime, I pray for us all.  I am still certain God has a plan and is taking me (and most likely Steven too) somewhere with this madness.  I am not sure where we will end up but I am 100% certain that in the end God will get the glory.

Glad Tidings to you all J

 

A Better Way

(Posted on a Divorce Support Site 5-24-2008)

Hi Misty, BTW - I am not crazy - I just think that in the best of all possible worlds there has to be a better way than what we see today.  I see a lot of Christians who in practice accept the world's definition of marriage - not in all cases, but in some whether it's their own marriage or someone else's marriage.  (And I don't even think they are aware of how much they have bought into the secular view of marriage.)

Consequently, when you are weary of the battle and want to walk away from the offending spouse or unhappy marriage - there is not adequate support to help you stand in faith. There is support however to alleviate your pain and look for greener pastures. I also apologize if my comments make any one feel judged I am thinking out loud and trying to make sense of this divorce madness -so don't take it personally - we all do what we believe we have to do.

I think you have hit on something our society really needs to grapple with...maybe there should be a better distinction between marriage as a sacred relationship and marriage as a "domestic partnership". I think if that if we take your approach to this and really work through the forgiveness and healing to restore a "sacred" marriage everyone ends up better off because of the depth of forgiveness, healing and reconciliation that has to take place for there to be restoration of the relationship. Think of what that models for children and others (including the offending spouse). For this type of marriage to thrive "no fault divorce" should be eliminated - most of the hardship should be borne by the spouse who violates the agreement whether through abandonment, adultery (allow some exclusions for real illness and other mental health issues).  There should also be some way to encourage more harmony in "sacred" marriages.  Apply the rules of covenant marriages to these unions and any desired dissolution.  This type of marriage recognizes that God has a work for those whom HE has joined together.

A domestic partnership is just that - a relationship where an end other than death is possible and acceptable - mandate better bookkeeping so that the division of assets is simpler; predefines the custodial responsibilities and relationships before children are born.  This approach will keep the lawyers busy (so they won't really lose money as a result of fewer "divorces" which is why the courts are so clogged with divorces now).  This type of "domestic partnership" would be strictly about "happiness,” "companionship" and "self-satisfaction.”  (Lots of bookkeeping but a simpler ending).

I assume God has a plan for whatever pain and loss I am enduring in my marital strife and divorce - I am really beginning consider more involvement with the Divorce Reform organizations - maybe God is preparing me to be an advocate :)