Step in, Step up

I am sitting here reflecting for a minute while I wait for the library to open.   You give my mind a little free space and I get to pondering.  I was at a conference recently and as a result have been confronted with an OPPORTUNITY to 'step up' to a new level of success.  And it is on me to 'step up' I need to do some things to make sure this opportunity bears the expected fruit.  That means I need to be disciplined and conscientious - prepare, follow through, no dawdling, procrastinating or half-doing things.  I am ready and excited.  I am determined that self-sabotage (fear) will be locked in a closet and silenced.
God provides such amazing opportunities. 

Divorce - An Act of Violence

Last Sunday, as part of his sermon, my Pastor referred to divorce as an act of violence.  And it can be – emotionally violent.  The level of hostility coming from my STBX has diminished over the years only due to reduced contact between us.  If marriage requires maturity and forgiveness, divorce requires a double portion of both maturity and forgiveness.  Too often divorce is a way to win a fight, rather than to peaceably part ways.  The sad truth is there is no fight to win.

In a previous post, I affirmed that despite my STBX’s belligerence and the divorce mongering of certain people that there would be no divorce war here.  I have held my ground on that.  I have tried to stay focused on only the transactional aspect of this proceeding.  Yet, he still wishes me dead, continues the name-calling and refuses to comply with the court-defined process.

It seems he still thinks that someone needs to be right and someone (me) needs to be WRONG.  After 6 years, my feeling is who cares – it changes nothing and therefore does not matter.  The division on our assets and debts is a simple transactional matter.

I could CHOOSE to carry feelings of resentment, betrayal and disappointment, but those are the creations of my STBX’s baggage.  I CHOOSE not to be a porter for them.  I CHOOSE not to contribute to the emotional violence that can be part of a divorce proceeding.  I CHOOSE to be happy and at peace with life as it unfolds.

It has been 6+ years and things will FINALLY be resolved.  The court dismissed my spouse’s petition because California has a law saying it must be cancelled if it has not been resolved in 5 years.  I immediately went downstairs after the hearing and refiled.  This is a good thing because the petitioner controls the process.  Moreover, as a competent adult, I am certain that this will be wrapped up in short order.

One of the most important lessons I have learned in this season is PATIENCE.  I have learned to sit and wait for God's timing.  The world will create false urgencies at it's whims.  I could have found myself tossed about with priorities and causation changing weekly.  Instead, I have developed a habit of waiting, taking the time to consider the consquences, consider the urgency to act and the cost/benfit of waiting. 

My life has not been frantic or chaotic and for that I am grateful.  I have not lived with angst and longing.  I have, fortunately, lived with a curiosity and earnest interest in seeing how this story will unfold based on the choices of obedience and willful disregard.  Good yields good, and the other always returns ashes.

I can wait for the good outcome.