I spoke to someone today who said "you have to accept that he wants a divorce." I paused to straighten my face because after 6 years of hearing that (and mostly not from him by now) accompanied by absolutely nothing realistic happening toward a divorce - all I can do is laugh and shake my head. And what does this person think I have done or could do to prevent it? If he WANTED one - he would have gotten one.
My dad used to say
'People in hell WANT ice water' - ridiculous - they want it but are
without the wherewithal to get it because of the circumstances they
chose for themselves.
And at the end of the day - it's never been about me or our marriage. It wasn't then and it isn't now.
It becomes clearer and clearer to me at least that there is much external at work to make this happen. Very unfortunate and pretty ungodly. With all the waiting that external parties have invested in - it seems someone should have asked -"what do you want from or with me?" And after all this time that question has been answered - whether it was asked or not - the response is clearly 'nothing more than what we have now.'
The question should not be about the divorce of a married couple. Instead of asking why the couple is not divorced and continue to support dissension, discord and estrangement - the question should have ALWAYS been about the desired, hoped for, planned expected future that the onlookers and external parties were 'hoping' and waiting on. Clarity, commitment or real vision for the future will propel you forward no matter what else is transpiring. Without that sort of motivation you can very easily slip into simply maintaining the status quo.
So the question is "What do you want your future to look like?" That was the approach I took and it has allowed me to move forward so that when all things are resolved I AM already where I want to be or at least on the road to it.
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