There is No War Here

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

- Casting Crowns - Praise You In This Storm Lyrics

I continue to be awed by way God guided me through these circumstances.  I was speaking with an old friend who had been through similar circumstances and she noted how composed and resolved I seem.  All I could say was that it was knowing God and knowing that what transpired – the way it transpired had nothing to do with me or our marriage.  That’s not to say that I was perfect in my marriage – it is simply to say that the way my spouse chose to deal the challenges we were facing - resides ONLY with him.  I could have responded to the challenges in our marriage the same way – I CHOSE NOT TO – I chose to honor my vows and be loyal and steadfast.

My spouse’s mistress seems to not get that – she has commented that she has been made a scapegoat for the issues ‘I created in my marriage’ [wait a minute I have to stop writing until I finish laughing].  Whew! that idea still cracks me up - as if she would have any REAL insight as to what transpired or was transpiring in our marriage.  She knew and knows only what she wants to believe in pursuit and sustenance of her relationship with my husband.  Anyway, I won’t digress to further comment on her foolishness.

My observation of late has been that over the years, I have been unwilling (or unable) to wage a full-scale retaliatory divorce WAR against my offending spouse.  I have refused and will continue to refuse to be angry, punitive and otherwise negative.  I refuse to give residence in my spirit and in my life to the negativity that required to wage a war .  I concluded that this situation can and must be resolved peacefully and equitably. 

I chose not to wage war because in healing and moving forward there was no room to carry the anger or bitterness needed ‘to get even’.  I also realized that in the end the truth is always “A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing” and if that man chooses to give up his wife – a wiser man will value and appreciate me for my goodness and forgive me for my flaws.  Lastly, I know with certainty that in the end God will be glorified.  (At some point I had to acknowledge that the level of determination and commitment of external ‘others’ to the dissolution of our marriage was and is surreal.  I have never seen anything like it – not even on Lifetime.)  Plus my new life continues to be a blessing and a joy.

I also decided that I would not make rash emotional decisions.  I sat with my feelings for a bit worked with a Christian counselor and then proceeded to take a pragmatic approach about the details and needed outcomes.  I acknowledged that the only urgency for resolution was coming from external people who are out of place for their involvement in ANY way, shape or form.  I affirmed that God always has a plan and HE has neither requested nor requires my help.  As long as any resolution I encouraged did not interfere with God’s plan – I have been able to be patient and pray that I will be able to continue to be patient.  HE is making it easy for me – I am swamped with so many other things.

I have held the position of ‘I love you (unconditionally as a human being) and I want for you what you want for yourself’.  Meaning that if divorce is what you want – I will not seek to dissuade you.  I will, however, stand in full recognition that a man who has compromised his integrity via infidelity is also very likely to betray me financially.  So, I proceeded with the caution of some who knows the risk inherent in dealing with someone seeking to escape his problems and avoid accountability. 

My spouse is still waging a WAR – it is a war of angry words and destructive time-wasting.  It is an unnecessary war.  I suppose he and his comrades need a common enemy (me) and the amusement that they get from the drama.  The truth is he has no enemy in me – I am a pacifist armed only with a clear mind and the intent of doing what is in our mutual best interest.  I pray that one day he can acknowledge that and join me for peaceful resolution.  I continue to pray and stand on God’s word for choosing my own conduct.