what's gon' be will be

Written February 6, 2011

I have not posted to this blog in a long time.  It seems the time just goes so quickly.  I have noted that while the past for years has passed quickly casual observers inform of how long this is taking and that in fact it is taking too long.  My question is too long for whom?  Was there an urgency that I missed the memo on?  It seems that getting it right is more important than expedience.

It is a new season for me.  And God is still in the mix.  I still believe He has a plan for my life.  My friend Herb says, 'Deb, what's gon' be will be”   I agree.  So what's the point of getting worked up and creating more drama.   Someone else said 'but don't you want to be free of the pain and the sadness?'  LOL – life will always be a mixture of joy and pain.  I can appreciate them both.  And if after 5 years the pain of an old event or circumstance still felt the same then I would know that I am not doing the work intended or needed.  It is what it is....

I am sitting here in the airport – thinking how quickly I can adapt to a new routine.  It is almost 6am on a Sunday morning and my new routine has begun.  Pick up for LAX at 4:30, all day flight to Canada. Four days of work on a great project with great people and then home for 2 days.  I am happy to be away from the drama here.  That's right, it continues.  I am central to it – without being in it.  That seems silly to me. 

Time has past for me, filled with living and doing.  I realized the other day – I laugh a lot!   I find such happiness in the small thing and my outlook on life has remained very positive.  Probably too positive for some.

To those observing and enjoying the drama of my husband's long term affair – they offer needless pity.  I recognize that my husband wanted the benefits of marriage without the accountability, work and sacrifice.  He found that in his relationship with his mistress – no real sacrifice required.    would have liked him to be a better person – but who we choose to be is an individual choice.  She has been  accommodating in the straddle he chose – no sacrifice required.  I could hate him but that would be a waste of time.  I could feel contempt for her as well, but at this point she has my pity.  It has been a long wait.